The Bondage of Emotional Pain

Life’s Like This — There are moments, I believe, in most of our lives, where the joy of living is overcome with depression, anxiety, and the fear of stepping outside one’s comfort zone to experience the best that life can offer. Moments in life, where it can be difficult to escape the bondage of emotional pain because we are fearful of letting others get close to us, where we can trust them with our feelings, and where we can let them get to know us to a point where a bridge of understanding can be built and relationships can flourish. Quite often, emotional pain is hidden, deep in a closet of darkness, and tucked away in seclusion where it can languish in solitude. But for others, their emotional pain is quite evident; they seem to carry the wounds of their heart on their sleeves where it is apparent to all that know them. For those of us caught up in a web of emotional pain, we often ask ourselves, when will it all end? Why, despite all the counseling we may have gone through, does the pain still persist? And why must we be held hostage to this pain from which there seems to be no escape?

Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Life’s Like This — It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not. I came across the preceding words and found myself pausing and reflecting on their meaning. If you are reflecting on them now, you might find them to be a mind-twister. As I attempted to digest their meaning, I came to realize an important truth about how we measure ourselves in life and why we don’t find complete satisfaction in our achievements — and that truth, is that our negative self-talk strips us of the confidence, satisfaction, and more importantly, the self-esteem that we all need to have in what we have accomplished in life. For years I have been trying to discover who I am and ultimately my purpose in life. Like many people, I grew up with dreams of being involved with something I cared passionately about. I was driven to define myself by the sum total of my accomplishments — a career that I was determined to have, a loving family, close friends, and personal accomplishments that gave meaning to my life. And when that failed to happen, I got caught up in a spiraling decline of my self-esteem. With the decline of my self-esteem, I then found myself consumed with depression that affected nearly every aspect of my life. Low self-esteem does not discriminate, it can affect anyone, and when it does, the impact on one’s life can be devastating. It would be nice if when we suffer from low self-esteem that we could take a pill and suddenly escape its hold over us, but unfortunately, the best we can do is take depression medication, if needed, that hopefully will improve our mood and ability to put things in proper perspective. The biggest challenge to overcoming low-self esteem is fighting the negative self-talk that destroys our perception of ourselves. Negative self-talk undermines our ability to deal constructively with our shortcomings, disappointments, and painful memories. And until we find a way to reverse the habit of putting ourselves down, we will continue to suffer the effects of low self-esteem.

The Garden of Life

Life’s Like This — In the garden of life, there are gifts of hope, faith, love, and joy that are waiting for you to embrace and take root in your life. I was reminded about the nature of life as I tended to my garden. The winter frost had failed to kill off the weeds and I discovered they had invaded and completely covered my flower bed. As I was pulling the weeds out, I thought to myself how amazing weeds are; no matter how good a job you do at pulling them out, they always seem to come back. They are tenacious and have a resiliency that often mirrors our lives. I knew, however, if I wanted my spring flowers to blossom into a garden that would capture natures beauty, and be one that I could be proud of, I needed to remove those pesky weeds that could eventually destroy my flowers. Weeds are a nuisance and the longer they are allowed to stay in the soil, the deeper its roots go and the more difficult they become to pull out. It’s kind of like life — you can be experiencing all the joy and happiness in the world, but when you let the problems of life take root, no matter how hard you try to rid yourself of those problems, they have a tendency to creep back into your life and once again spoil your happiness.

Coping With Loneliness

Life’s Like This — Sometimes, no matter how well adjusted we think we are, we can find ourselves experiencing the pain of loneliness. Loneliness does not discriminate, it doesn’t matter what your gender is, your occupation, relationship status, social status, or even how much wealth you have — loneliness can sap your energy and send you into the pits of depression. When we feel alone, we often feel isolated from others and find ourselves feeling lost because we lack the human companionship that is essential for self-esteem and personal fulfillment. As humans, we have an undeniable need for companionship, for someone to connect with, someone we can share our lives with — significant people that we can trust and confide in.

Road to Happiness

 Life’s Like This — With all the problems we face in society, sometimes the window of happiness appears closed. When I was growing up in the 50’s, life seemed so simple; at least to a little kid, it seemed that way. From a child’s perspective, life was an adventure, one filled with a variety of experiences from which I built fond memories. While I grew up living in an orphanage that had its share of problems and is still a source of bad memories, I was still able to enjoy my childhood. Sometimes, as adults, with all the stress of living clouding our minds, it is difficult to look back and see the happiness we had as a child. 

Living With Hope

Life’s Like This — All too often, things we had planned or hoped to accomplish in life don’t become a reality. Dreams of ours that are made with threads of hope simply unravel and we are left wondering, “Is there any hope?”

All around us, people are in need of hope; the homeless, hospice patients, the unemployed, those that are lonely — people from all walks of life that are faced with circumstances, some beyond their control, that have nothing to cling to but hope. Hope is the belief that circumstances in the future will get better. Without hope, we sink into depression and despair.

 

Wounds of War

Life’s Like This — There are wounds of war and life that simply cannot be forgotten. As a veteran, with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), I know this all too well. I also know how difficult it is to share my story and to relive the events that led up to my PTSD. But my story, like the story of so many others afflicted with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder needs to be understood. Because until it is understood, people will not recognize the impact PTSD can have on the lives of veterans and those in civilian life who have experienced life-altering traumatic events.    
These life-altering events can come in many different forms. In my case, it came as a result of being hit by a grenade in Korea and exposure to countless traumatic events that left an indelible imprint on my mind. While the wounds of veterans who have returned home from war may reflect different life-altering events, the effects of PTSD does not discriminate. It is like a cancer that can invade ones mind and causes physical manifestations that has not been fully understood by the Veterans Administration until recent years. In my case, it took the Veterans Administration 25 years to diagnose me with PTSD. For 25 years, I was at a loss for what was happening to me, both psychologically and physically to my body. This condition invaded nearly every aspect of my life and has taken its toll, not only on my health, but in my relationships with my family and others I have interacted with over the years.

Trauma of the heart

Pain isn’t always physical. There are wounds of the heart, soul and mind that are far more devastating than any gunshot wound or burning piece of shrapnel – wounds that often lead to a lifetime of inability to cope with the psycho-trauma that not only impacts the mind but every aspect of a man or woman’s life. Trauma that shuts down your heart leaving you with an inability to form close relationships or that tears apart the ones you have. Trauma that reaches deep into your soul, that incapacitates you to the point you no longer care whether you live or die.  
 
 
Life’s like this; trauma does not discriminate. It can affect every man, woman or child in various forms, at any age, from the most devastating physical wound to the deepest form of depression — trauma of the heart. Coping with this kind of trauma and living with it on a daily basis is an endless battle. Behind the smiling face of your family member, neighbor, friend or stranger can be an insidious disease that is crippling and draining energy and hope needed to cope and face the challenges of our world. For these people, it is like a puzzle where you can not find a place for a piece to make that puzzle whole. This trauma of the heart — depression, often shatters one’s life, like a broken mirror, into pieces that may never be healed with any medication or endless therapy sessions. It clouds their thought processes which impedes their road to recovery. Unlike physical trauma that often heals over time, trauma of the heart, of one’s mind, can last a life time.